Marry Him?
OH, there are oh so many things I want to say about this article and some of it might surprise you.
And I've typed and deleted half a dozen thoughts...
And I'm on the road and need to get to bed.
But, OH, there is so much to say about this.
SO MUCH.
(My fellow single chicks...you must read it and share YOUR thoughts. I'll share mine soon. We'll do lunch. Oh, & the rest of you can play too, I just don't think you'll enjoy the article as much.)
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10 comments:
I love reading your blogs. I couldn't help but respond to this one, as I see both sides and agree with both. I never thought settling was the thing to do. However, my sister-in-law had two children and wasn't married. We won't go into why, just that she was very passionate about child #1s father and he lit up her world, yadi, yadi, yadi. He was a big time loser, married, etc. and she knew it. Along came a guy she used to date and was willing to marry her even with the two girls she had. She said there were no sparks, but he was good to her and the girls. She wound up marrying him and has been married for 13 years. While I don't agree with settling, he has provided for them, loves them, changed religions and got involved, very involved in a church so that her kids wouldn't have to go to inner city schools. I've never heard her speak ill of him in any way. That's more than I can say! Even when love sends you over the top and you think you can't live without him, the newness wears off and all of his faults start to bug you. (The only, only exception I have found, Laurel, is your dad. They are so cute together!) Love you and maybe one day I'll get to see you in the flesh! Sharon
Oh I've been thinking about this all day long! I'm TOTALLY in for the corporate merger idea. I believe that. But that said, you have to be kind of picky about your partner. You know? Can we just go to dinner and talk about this all night long? Because I have so many examples and so many questions and I'm just dying to get them all out! When in the world are you coming to this neck of the woods?!? (And can it be before May 16 because that's kind of a big day for me and I'm nervous!)
there is SO much I could say about this article. I've read it numerous times over the last year as different friends have sent me the link. But basically my point of view is this: it's not that you "settle" it's that you make "him" "the one."
So fascinating.
At first I disagree, and then I agree, and then start the whole cycle all over again.
Settling. It all depends on how you define it. Lowering your standards and marrying a subpar man? No. Allowing yourself to give up unrealistic fantasies that prevent you from loving a perfectly wonderful guy? Yes.
In my (almost) 20 years of living I really don't have much experience and I don't claim to know much. But I kind of...get it.
I agree with Krista--it isn't that you settle, it's that you make him the one.
I think the world misunderstands love.
I agree with Angela - It definitely depends on how you define "settling". I don't think anyone should lower their standards just to be married. And honestly? I think being single is FAR better than being in an unhappy marriage. I have watched too many people be miserable and seen what their unrealistic expectations of marriage can get them. Being single has a LOT of advantages.
and yes,Angela - the world definitely misunderstands love.
I would say it is not about settling so much as it is about finding out what your REALISTIC expectations are.
Laurel, come meet Jenny Reeder and I in DC for the 4th of July. What do you say? We need to talk! :-)
Oh gosh...I am not even sure where to begin! I do like all the comments above...especially since it may take a second read till I can articulate my thoughts clearly.
But I am inviting myself to dinner with you and Jenny and Jennifer (whose comment is above -- though I don't know her) if you come to DC around the 4th (or when ever you are in town!)! Cause who would not want to go to dinner with three Jennifers?
I honestly don't know how I feel about this article. I think the word settle is used too generously. I don't know, I'm uncomfortable reading it so I know it hits home. Let's talk more about it...
I read the article, a couple times.
Some thoughts.
Remember the "Do you love me? from Fiddler on the Roof.
Love that song. It was an arranged marriage, remember?
Two people willing to 'make it work', no matter what.
I have often referred to a quote by President Spencer W. Kimball, and I paraphrase, when two unselfish people are put together in marriage and are willing to work for the happiness of the other then any two people can be put together and develop a loving marriage.
"Make two lists:
Have To Have, Nice To have.
No settling on the Have To...lots of settling on the Nice To's
Remember our role is helpmeet. Not to makeOVER, but to helpmeet to become the best.
God will not abandon us when we are making the most important decision of our lives.
We love those we serve. I find that true in marriage as well as other relationships.
Just some thoughts from an old married women.
HAPPILY married, I might say.
p.s. Men are not that complicated. We women seem to complicate things.
Well then, I am inviting myself to this DC dinner too.. because who wouldn't want to go to dinner with three Jennifer's and an Erica?! (can you come before the 18th, I move that day.....)
Meanwhile, I am DYING to hear your thoughts about this article. Being married, I still have my opinions (i hope that is okay)... but want to hear what you think.
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