One of those times

This is a picture that sits framed on a shelf in my bedroom.
I look at it often.
It is one of my most treasured possessions.
It shows one of those times when the world had just taken the best of me.
And for whatever reason, I was sad.
And my mom was there.

She was always there for me.
I have very vivid memories of times when she was.

And the last little while has been one of those times when the world was taking the best of me.
And for multiple reasons, I was sad.
And my mom came here.

I do not have words for the way I felt when she walked into my kitchen Tuesday night.
But I cried like I was three.
My mommy had come to help me.
I was overwhelmed and grateful.
And she held me in her arms and just let me cry.

And then for five days, she took care of a lot of temporal needs that just needed to get done. She was a helper, cleaner, errand-runner, accountant, planner, organizer, partner, and FRIEND.

And just like when I was little, she was a comfort, a refuge, a safe place.

Sometimes a girl just needs her mom.
This was one of those times.

I love you, mom.
xoxo

A Woman's view

I did another taping for "A Woman's View" before our little family trip to OBX (and I FINALLY found my camera cord so those pics will FINALLY be forthcoming.) It aired on Sunday, September 26th. I mentioned it to my mom and brother who wanted to take a listen so I thought I'd post it here.

Pay no mind to the fact that I called our spirits a "spiritual essence" (what? who says that?) and that I went on a tirade about term limits in congress.

It's never safe to put me in front of a microphone unspcripted, people.
Never.

(Here's the link to the interview. Scroll down to listen to the September 26th show.)

Fall or fly?

At the edge of a cliff
Knowing I couldn't go back
And that only two choices lie ahead
I stood there
Frozen

"Fall or fly?" I heard the voice ask

The wind rushed by
But the world stood still
Ahead of me a wide expanse of colors
Behind me a sea of grays
And I stood there
Frozen

"Fall or fly?" the voice asked again

For a moment the quiet was deafening
Above me was an endless sky of possibilities
Below me a world I knew
And I stood there
Frozen

"Fall or fly?" the voice asked again

And I knew it was the last time
The question would be posed to me

"Fly" I said
"I'm ready to fly"

And then, with eyes wide open,
I jumped

The last of Newman

Even though I sucked up my pride on Tuesday morning and re-rented my PO BOX, it appears I really didn't need to:



(Thanks to my friend John Hilton III for this great link.)

Thank you, Mr. Arnold

I think I received one of my favorite voicemails of all time today from one of my longest-time friends (really like since 5th grade...THAT long).

She told me her mom (who I adore) has been reading my blog for a while.
Then her dad found out about it.
He's been reading it every day whilst drinking his morning coffee.
And it appears that he's worried about me.

She said it started with the car registration incident.
And then the concern increased with my obvious "soul searching."
But apparently, the Post Office meltdown put him over the edge.
(okay, yeah, I get my life's been a bit crazy.)

Something about that opened a clearing in the air.
Like if even Mr. Arnold, one of the sweetest, kindest, goodest men on the planet (Morning, Mr. Arnold...How's your coffee?) is in Kentucky worried about me...
I don't know...
it made me feel not quite so alone.
And I think it just might have gotten me out of my little funk.

SO...

Dear Mr. Arnold:

I'm more okay today than I was on Monday.
And I'll be more okay on Sunday than I am today.

And I'm going to get back to myself.
Promise.

Thank you for helping to get me out of my funk.
I owe you and your wife dinner the next time you're in Park City.

xoxo
-Laurel


My mom is actually coming to conduct an intervention next week and help me get my life in order. So everything really is going to be okay. It's a little embarrassing to admit I need some help. But...I've already gotten over that.

And in the morning, I'm headed to our event in Atlanta. Anyone going to be there?

Meltdown update

a.) I really was mostly okay when I woke up this morning

b.) Thanks to those who attempted an "intervention". While I hate the appearance of needing one. Truth is, I probably did. So thanks.

c.) If you ever need your mommy, just blog a "meltdown story" and she'll appear.

I went to the Post Office on my way to work and "re-rented" my same PO BOX.
And paid the "key lock change fee" but kept my same key.
And Newman was the clerk at the counter (no kidding).
And the best part?
He asked me for something that had my mailing address on it for verification it was me.
No. I didn't make that up.
I giggled the whole way out of the Post Office.

I've learned that...
...meltdowns can be good for you.
...I have really good people in my life.
...it's okay to ask for help.
...I'm okay.

a meltdown to Newman

I guess it was bound to happen.
It's been brimming for a while now.
But, I didn't expect it to happen today.
At the Post Office.
In SugarHouse.
To Newman.

The last time I made my way to my PO BOX to check my mail was on the way to the airport for the family vacation. It had been four weeks since I had picked up last. And they had to bring me my mail in one of those mail tubs.

No. Really.

(and okay, maybe my "car registration" notice was in there. And maybe the "we're going to turn off your power because you haven't paid your bill yet" was in there too.)

And well, I haven't been back since.
Until today.

I put my key in.
And the box was empty.

I stood in line to find out where my mail was, thinking that there was just too much again and they are just kindly holding it for me.

"There's no mail?" Newman asked (no really, there is a worker at the SugarHouse Post Office that looks JUST like Newman).

"No. I've been out of town and haven't been able to pick it up for 3 weeks so I'm assuming you're holding it for me?"

"Sounds like your box has been cancelled."

"Um, that can't be. Why would you do that?"

"Because you didn't pay your renewal."

"Oh, no...I paid my renewal. Of course I did."
(Please bless that I paid my renewal.)

And then Newman was gone for like 5 minutes.
Seriously.
He came back empty-handed.
Not. Good.

"Yep, your box was cancelled. It was up on August 10th and you never paid."

"That's not even possible. I've had this box for two years. I'm sure I paid. And even if I didn't...which I know I did...surely I would have been notified."

"They would have given you two warnings. Looks like they shut it down about 3 weeks ago."

"But there was nothing in my mail. I was just here 3 weeks ago and no one said anything."

"That's not possible. We wouldn't have given you your mail."

"But, it is...and you did. I can't believe this. This isn't happening to me. It's not. So, where's my mail?"

"It's all been sent back."

"WHAT? You sent my mail back? You didn't. Surely you didn't."

"Well, your box was cancelled. Do you want to rent it again? It's still available. You just have to pay the $15 lock change fee."

"But, my key still works."

"No it doesn't."

"Yes. It. Does."
(I'm sorry. Are we five? Am I really arguing about this?)

"Well, you have to pay it anyway. It's the policy."

"Look, Newman" (okay, so I didn't really say that but I SO wanted to), "I know this isn't your problem. It's my problem. And I realize you might not care. But, I have a PO BOX because I travel a lot and it's easier. And THIS is not easier."

I could feel the tears coming.
There was a line of people behind me.
This was not the place for tears.

I bit my lip.

And then they came.

I cried all the way home, wanting to call someone to tell them to talk me off a ledge.
But I didn't even know how to explain my meltdown to Newman?

Then I realized...
It's not about the mail.
Of course it's not.
It's about what this little episode, and several other episodes lately, represent.

I got home and collapsed on the couch.
And out of my mouth came words I rarely let myself say.
But, I said them out loud.
Ane He heard me.
And He told me to just get it all out.
So I did.

And eventually I calmed down.
Eventually.

And now I'm fine.

And I'm sure in the morning I'll figure out what to do.
And give it a few days and it might even be a funny story.
I mean, who melts down in a Post Office?
To a guy who looks like Newman?

Me.
That's who.

But, the bigger question...what on EARTH do I do now?
Surely I can never go into that Post Office again.
Can someone survive without a mailing address?
Is this the opening for my life as a fugitive?
Do you think I could pull it off?

Oh, and for the record, I've checked my stack of mail again.
Really.
No Notice.
Promise.

Because it's "easy to be busy"

What do you suppose pilots do when they encounter turbulence? A student pilot may think that increasing speed is a good strategy because it will get them through the turbulence faster. But that may be the wrong thing to do. Professional pilots understand that there is an optimum turbulence penetration speed that will minimize the negative effects of turbulence. And most of the time that would mean to reduce your speed. The same principle applies also to speed bumps on a road.

Therefore, it is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials when experiencing adverse conditions.

(President Uchtdorf, "Of Things That Matter Most")

He was right, you know.
It is "easy to be busy".

I feel like that talk was just for me.
And I'm grateful for the way it pricked my heart.
And for the two people in my life who said (and even texted me in the middle of it), "Thinking of you...".

I know.
I know.

But, I cannot slow down my schedule for a few more weeks.
And honestly, it has me running from plane to plane and from 12-hour work day to 12-hour work day.

But, I can slow down my mind and my heart.
I can give myself a break from some of the pressure and the self-examination.
I can give myself the benefit of the doubt.
I can slow down in other ways.
I can focus on the essentials.
The basics.

And that's what I'm doing.
Just for a little while longer.

What I know for sure

The last few weeks I've had to have a little chat with myself several times.
The chat goes something like this:

"Laurel, what do you know FOR SURE?"

I've had my heart wrenched a bit as of late.
(and no, not my "romantic heart" but my heart just the same.)
And it's caused me to question a lot of things.
about my life.
and my choices.
and my relationships.

I "get through" times like this by reflecting on that question.
What DO I know for sure?

Honestly, right now it's a short list.

BUT...

I KNOW I have a Father in Heaven.
I KNOW He knows me.
I KNOW He talks to me.
I KNOW He loves me.
I KNOW I have a personal Savior and that through His grace I am saved...eternally and daily.

I did a little interview on the way to the airport on Thursday.
I barely remember doing it.
But, my spirit went on "autopilot" during the discussion.

Because there really are
some things
I really really know.
for. sure.

(Click on the inteview for "October 17" to listen to the podcast of what was aired today.)

PS. The original question of "what do I know for sure" was first posed to me by Sheri Dew. Though she didn't invent those words, she is the first person to get me to really ask that question. So any credit for that being a great question to ask yourself, is hers.

You've. Got. Mail.

Not only is it one of my favorite movies of all time, but it's something that will be able to be said to a whole lotta you next week (after I get back in town).

But, I need some help.

Some of you who helped spread the word never sent me your mailing address.

SO...

if you're name is Shauna or Erica or Jennifer or Bri or Cheryl or Melissa or Arlene or Debbie or Linda or Amanda or Stephanie or Jenn or Laura or Rachel or DeAnn or Julie or Becky...

Will you please email me at laurelDOTchristensenATgmailDOTcom with your mailing address?

Because You've. Got (er, gonna have). Mail.

Staying quiet

“Learn to be quiet enough
to hear the genuine within yourself
so that you can hear it in others.”
-Marian Wright Edelman


I'm not a girl of few words.
At least not usually.

But, lately I've felt the need to be a little more personally reflective.
And even if I was the only person who reads this little blog (and I realize now I might be), I don't know that I'd be able to find the words even to explain where I'm at to myself.

So, I might be on a bit of a blog break for a little bit longer.
But, I'll be back.

I've never been one to stay quiet for long.