Run, Bride. Run.

(don't you just love/adore this movie? I can't stand how much I love it.)

Well...
In six weeks I become his "mrs".
(that is not a typo...it's really just 6...and this is my announcement of that date.).
I can't really even believe I'm here.
I wake up most mornings pinching myself.
Making sure the ring is still in the ringbox.
Hearing the whistle of his "good morning" text.
It's real.
I'm here.
And I just couldn't be happier.

But, this wasn't supposed to ever be able to happen.
Not with me where I am right now.
And there is a powerful lesson in that.

You see...I've always known my weight and my body...and how I felt about my body...got in the way of my relationships. I dated guys who were bothered by their weight...so I knew they were bothered by mine. But, even with that, I often told my close friends how important it was to me that I meet my husband before my weight-loss journey was done because I didn't want to connect my weight-loss with finally finding true love but I also worried about meeting him before I finished what I started.

And then he showed up.

He learned early on (before we actually met) where I was in my journey and the anxiety I felt about that. And the story and the conversations we had about that? Connected me to him in a way I can't express. But, even then, I remember when we met live and started dating fighting the thought "he's only into you because he trusts you're going to lose the rest of your weight and he's willing to take the risk".


Then I got mono and I was sure that would be it. I wouldn't be able to run and so I wouldn't be able to lose weight and so he wouldn't be able to love me.

And then life got away from me and I remember waking up one morning (the morning we ended up getting engaged) and looking in the mirror and telling myself I still had time...he wasn't proposing for a while...I could still get back to it.

And then we got engaged (that very night) and I took comfort in knowing that there were some things we needed to do to get clearance for the date. We had been told it could take a couple of months and so I knew I still had time. But, I had tweaked my back over the holiday and my chiropractor still hadn't cleared me to run (I was walking like an 80 yr old woman so that might have something to do with it...no offense to any 80 yr old women) and I my progress was stopped yet again.

And then we found out we could set a date and we decided on a date...that's now in 6 weeks (from today. Did I mention that?). And I knew that wasn't enough time to do anything significant to my body.

And then I realized something really powerful.

I realized he knew that too.

And I knew that I'm enough.

He see all of me, including who I want to be.
He sees my weaknesses and my strengths and he loves me.
As me.
It's a remarkable thing.

And it has forced me to acknowledge that I've held on to my weight as a comfort. It's been my safety net. My excuse. It's what I've known.

But it's not who I am.

And as I started running again the last couple of weeks (albeit slowly and out of breath...I've lost so much stamina), that familiar feeling I used to love has been soaring through my body and my spirit.

I am a runner. I am.
And that doesn't mean I'm at my goal weight and it doesn't mean I'm an athlete and it doesn't mean I'm fast.

But it means I'm strong
& determined
& courageous
& believing
& capable
& pretty
& sexy
& tenacious
& spiritual
& on and on and on.
That's who I am when I run.
That's who I am to him.

He is, without a doubt, the best thing that has ever happened to me.

And so...
Today is the day I commit to myself and my future mr to be at peace with my body.
With where my body is today.
With how I will look in our pictures.
With what I see when I stand in front of the mirror.

Today is the day I believe everytime he says, "you're beautiful."
Or tells me I'm sexy
Or comments on how good I look
Or encourages me to run because I feel better...not because I need to be better.

And today is the day I promise my little self I won't give up on this journey.
I might not need to do this any longer to get what I want.
But, I need to do it because I deserve to do it.

You know what you deserve?
To make peace with your body.
Give that to yourself.
You deserve that.
It's a powerful thing.

(PS Because we are doing this so quickly the public celebration will be happening a few weeks after the happy day. Let me know if you'd like to join in. It's going to be a little event for an organization we care about. Stay tuned...)

Being Aunt Laurel

Today was not my favorite.

Sometimes work is just too much.

But, then he sends flowers. Before he even knows it was not my favorite day.

(Oh, how I love him.)

And in addition to him? Well, I also get to be an aunt.

I will always be their aunt.

A couple of days ago, I got this email, out of the blue, from my 10 yr old niece:

 Aunt Laurel, 

I want to ask you something. 

What does it feel like to prepare to get married? 

And what do you have to do? 

Mark [her 12 yr old brother] says you have to do a lot of paperwork.

I love you more than chocolate cake with peanut butter icing and Daddy's peanut butter ice cream! And I like those things A LOT.

It made me all sorts of happy.

Then, today (which wasn't my favorite. Did I mention that?) 

my really awesome SIL (mother to the above email sender) sent the following...

You have to read these...how cute are they?

Oh. my. cute.

And with that, I say:

Dear Husband-to-be:

Mark said it best, babe.

When you're cross?

[and maybe even when I am]

I'm. the. boss.

xoxo

-LA(e)

I adore being "Aunt Laurel". 

Adore.

And the winners are...

I'm late on the winner announcement (so sorry).
SO...

mjcundiff
Shauna
Lisa Johnson

Email me at LaurelDOTChristensenATGmailDOTcom with your address and I'll get your books in the mail! Thanks for playing!

just around this corner...

It's 5am on my birthday.
A Saturday.
I was going to sleep in.

Yet, here I am awake and feeling all contemplative.
About my life.
About me.
About the people I love.
About my soon to be "mr".

I think about where I was a year ago.
Where my heart was...where it really was...and I am blown away by all that has happened.

When I named this little blog of mine, it was a reminder to me that there were things in the works in my life that I did not know and could not see. To be honest, most days I worried that there just wasn't. I worried that what I saw and experienced was kind of going to be it. Sure, it was good. But, it wasn't all I hoped for.

I knew the my 40th year was going to be a game changer.
I just knew it (remember my "preparation for promises" post?)
I just hoped it.
I look at my life this past year and the corners I approached.
I went around every single one of them.
I might have sometimes done it cautiously, but I went.
They weren't all easy, but I went.
And I'm amazed at how things have unfolded.
Amazed and so deeply grateful.

I am 41 today.
FORTY-ONE.
How did I get here?
By turning corners.
By praying for corners.
By hoping for corners.

What I hoped when I started this blog is true...
Things are in the works for our lives that we do not know and cannot see.
My life has turned a corner.
And I could not have imagined the beauty and sunshine and happiness that was
just around this corner
waiting for me.

"You cannot behold with your natural eyes, 

for the present time, 

the design of your God 

concerning those things which shall come...." 

(Doctrine & Covenants 58:3)

 (image found here)

He said he won't marry me (& other news)

He said he won't marry me...

Until he reads every single blog post.

He's already read 2012 (my least prolific year) and has already lived the few posts of this year.
He's finished 2007 and a whole lot of 2008.
But, I did so much writing in 2009-2011...ohmygoodness...I fear we'll never marry.
He just wants to know everything and I adore that about him.

(I've actually had guys say to me before, "um, you won't expect me to read your blog, will you?" as a concern of condition for us dating. But not this guy.)

He kind of can't get enough of me.
And I really can't get enough of him.
It's almost ridiculous.
Except that it's not.
It's the sweetest thing I've ever known.

I love this time in my life. I love how fresh the world looks. I love how right it all feels.
I. am. happy.
And can I just say?
It was worth every bit of waiting and praying and hoping and trying yet again.
(we just can't ever give up on what we really want...we just can't...you just can't.)

And in other news...

WAIT. DID SOMEONE SAY IT'S FEBRUARY?
And we know that that means...
It's my birthday month.
But, funny...
I think I'm realizing now that I don't actually need a whole month to celebrate.
I don't even need a whole week (though, let's be honest, I won't turn down anyone's attempt to celebrate my birthday).
I just love having "him" in my life.
It's enough for me.
I think my friends are grateful to be off the hook this year.
Last year was a lot of pressure.
(Though if you want to relive the happy memory of last year, here it is. And I still get teary when I watch it. That was a day of love that will never be forgotten.)

And still in other news...
Lest you think I've been spending all my time falling in love...

This little book, encouraging youth how to "put on the whole armor of God", is available now:

And this little well-timed gem, a book helping today's youth prepare for missions, will be available in May:

Super honored to be a part of these projects.
AND to celebrate my birthday week, I'm doing a little give away for ARMOR UP.

If you would be interested in getting a copy of ARMOR UP and willing to spread the word then put a note about it on your blog or facebook (or commit to send an email out to people that you know) and leave a comment here. I'll be giving away a copy for you and/or the favorite teenager in your life to THREE of you!

Winners will be announced Sunday night, February 10th so just comment & share before then.
Ready? Go.